The Self Fulfilling Prophecy of 2012 Playlist

Well, the end of the world is gonna happen this Friday... or, you know, that's what half the Internet wants you to believe. I'm surprised local business people haven't had "End of the World" sales to take advantage of another manufactured day people should care about. Personally, I don't think the world is going to end. Whether it's a total misunderstanding of the Mayan calendar or Nostradamus or planets aligning or old Chinese predictions or the Jehovah's Witnesses predicting Armageddon... again... for like, the third or fourth time, people have their predictions on when, how, and why the world will end.

Personally, I don't think the world will end. Sure, I enjoy my zombie movies and video games, I love Fallout 3 (New Vegas is okay but I gave up way too early), and I can be a paranoid mother fucker, but I don't think the world will suddenly end if the planets align with the galaxy, or Earth will suddenly start hating humans (it all ready does) and instantly develop killer grass to send scents that will make us want to commit suicide. I don't think the Mayans predicted our demise, but I do think they were predicting the end of the calendar year (not really much of a prediction, but you know...) which we do every year... on New Years' Eve... with booze.

I do think, however, that if the world was going to end, or if society as we know it was going to end, then it's by human hands. I do fear that this whole end-of-the-world crap will get into some psychotic fucker's brain and might hack into the nuclear launch computers, or an asshole leader will start a war with another country, taking us into World War III that may or may not involve nukes that will ultimately fuck us all over, or dumbasses will go into mass hysteria mode, thinking, "Well since the end of the world is happening anyway, we might as well create a whole bunch of anarchy," and riot everywhere. That last one might not really be end-of-the-world material, but I think it's the more realistic of the three, though from what I see in the tension between Israel and Palestine, and Iran, and North Korea, and the shit between China and Japan, and Republicans and right-wing shitheads being total assholes all the time... that second one is pretty realistic, too.

So, with that said, people's tendencies to believe in stupid shit has inspired me to make another playlist. I made this several weeks back, but I've just had the inspiration now to describe the background and thought process going into it. It's in Spotify... again... so there may be other updates with the playlist in other formats or apps or stuff. And for the non-Spotify users, I'll just list each song and maybe a short description.

Concert Season 2012: Encore Issue: Not So Silent Night 2012

I thought the concert season this year for me was over. I was perfectly content with The Monkees concert being my last concert since it was that good. And since no one was too excited about the lineup (since it was split into two and there was a lot of excitement for a couple of the bands on both nights, but not a lot of excitement for the rest), there was a lot of hesitation amongst my friends about going. Then suddenly, my sisters ended up buying tickets to both nights, and my friend out of the blue wanted to go and asked if I was interested in Night 1. Thinking about it for a while, I thought it'd be interesting to go to one more concert before the year was through... and what would come was a very interesting week, to say the least.

Twilight 5: Breaking Dawn 2: What the Poster Really Says

"Holy shit! THIS is the last movie!? Fucking finally. RUN, BITCH, RUN!"

"Last one to the end of the movie has to do the shitty sequels that may or may not happen."

"Last one to the end of the movie gets their career put through the meat grinder by TMZ."

Edward: If we trip this bitch, we can finally be together, Jacob.

Jacob: All ready done... wait... why am I wearing a shirt?


(If you have any better one-liners, smarmy and witty remarks, and other mockeries, feel free to comment.)

[No copyright intended. Image made by Summit Entertainment, or whoever the fuck made this poster.]

One Reason Why HIMYM's Season 2 is the Best!

The giant penis tower (that you never see).

 

 

Another thing awesome about this episode: Charles Robinson from Night Court gets a guest spot on the show, with the BEST! LINE! EVER!!!

 

Yes, it is, Mac. Yes, it is. Bryan Cranston's response?

Okay, I take that back. THAT is the BEST! LINE! EVER!!!

QUICK FACT: Bryan Cranston is so awesome, all I have to type into IMDB is "bry" and immediately he pops up first.

[from How I Met Your Mother, Season 2, Episode 6: "Aldrin Justice"]

Concert Season 2012: Episode 6: The Monkees

I think I've come full circle now. Just thinking about the concert, about my love for every song they played, and about how twenty-five years ago (give or take), I was introduced to The Monkees through the TV show and would subconsciously and gradually shape the way I love music... it just feels like it's complete. What it is, though? I don't know. Not life... and not music... I don't know... it's kinda hard to explain... I guess I can talk about my experience, talk about what they chose to play, what they didn't, how they honored Davy, and just whatever I could put into words. And maybe then I can figure out what it is.

Monkeemania: The Dream Setlist

Before I knew about the idea to play Headquarters from beginning to end... or was it just focus on that album?... there was a poll on their official website, asking fans what they would like to hear on the upcoming list, and letting the fans compile a 25-song setlist. So not only did I send in a setlist, I saved it by turning it into a playlist. I'll share with you what on that's playlist.

Monkeemania: 4 Days 'til the Monkees Concert

I had just recently crashed into the proverbial wall known to most as Writers' Block. I had this great idea for an alternate universe starring a popular quarterback going slightly insane... but it's been derailed by how I want to write it. It put me in such a stall that I didn't have any other ideas to get me out of this ditch. But then I realized that there's less than a week left until the big Monkees concert in Cupertino... and I realized I can write about my total excitement for the upcoming show.

Shit My (Filipino-American, San Francisco Born) Dad Says...

(The words I remember my dad telling me over the years... Father Chaos?... Daddy Chaos?... Papa Chaos... do not necessarily reflect the views of me, Chris Chaos... well, not all of it.)

On Safety:
"Always be aware. You never know when a car will hit you when riding your bike or when someone feels like stabbing you for your wallet."

(This is probably why I'm so paranoid.)

On the Niners Every Time They Win:
"We're going to the Super Bowl this year. GO NINERS!"

On The Saints:
"The Aint's."

On The Cowboys:
"Cowgirls."

On The Rams:
"The Lambs."

On The Raiders:
Something really bad about Oakland and how nothing good can come from Oakland... obviously he hasn't been to The Fox Theater.

On Basketball:
"Do you like basketball? It looks all sweaty and smelly."

On Religion:
"...opiate for the masses."
And this video that  he sent me...

(As for me, I know there are progressive Christians who believe in social justice, who understand that we shouldn't go word for word to what the Bible says and don't like those who pick and choose what they draw from the book to spout out hate speak, and who use Christianity as more of a philosophy not written in stone and as a means for peace and equality... you know, what Jesus wanted. Even though my dad is more atheist and I'm more agnostic, I try not to bash on Christians as a whole because all Christians are not Fred Phelps and Jerry Falwell and every other bigot who use the Bible to hate on homosexuals and womens' rights and anything else that question their authority.)

On Manny Pacquiao:
"I don't like him. He's not my cousin anymore. He got all religious after he got caught cheating. He should have owned up to it... admit to love being a womanizer."

After Watching the Trailer for "The Man with the Iron Fists":

"I don't know why white boys get all durrrrh over Chinese girls. It's Lucy Liu. She's nothing special... unattractive."
(I could probably say the same about Jamie Chung, but since I was there when several friends got all duuuuuuuuuuuurh for her whenever she walked by in high school, I can probably say she's several steps above Lucy Liu.)

More About White Boys and Their Thing For Asian Girls:
"I asked this white woman at work why she thinks white boys love Asian girls, and she told me it was because they've been rejected by white women."
(I tend to think it's because of the Geisha Girl/passive stereotype, but then again, this woman sounds really conceited.)

On Who's More Attractive Than Lucy Liu:
"Latina girls. They should be going all durrrrrh over them."

On My Aunt/His Sister:

(This one's my fault. I told him how much Kim Jong Il looked like Aunt Nene... and he just ran with it... for years afterwards.)

On Turning 60:
"I don't feel 60. ... I look younger than most people in their 40s... and in better shape than kids in their 20s."

I remember growing up after years of my dad giving me shit while living at home, I vowed never to be like my dad. After hitting 30, though, I realized how much I've picked up from him. His temper, his candidness on talking about things that piss him off in GREAT detail, his vulgar sense of humor, his love for San Francisco sports, his lack of patience in dealing with groups of people, his love for his family (even though most of it is tough love), his ninja-like reflexes, his dashing ability to look awesome in a beard, and his vision... no, literally... I'm blind as a bat because of him.

Awww fuck... Thor help us all.

Happy birthday, Dad.

Concert Season 2012: Episode 5: The Uptones (AKA: The Trip to Berkeley)

So after The Offspring show and getting two whole days of not going to a musical event, that Friday definitely made up for those non-musical days. No, I didn't go to a musical... though that doesn't sound too bad if it was The Book of Mormon or that Green Day one, American Idiot. Nah, on the first Friday of October, I spent an entire night across the Bay in Berkeley talking about and listening to music. Not surprising, eh?

Concert Season 2012: Episode 4: The Offspring

Still tired. Still running on fumes. My voice is not as bad as I thought it was but it's still pretty low. All in all, it was worth it.

Of course I was too tired to finish this post all in one day, but at least I finished it... eventually.

Before I get into the concert itself, there's always seems to be a story with me just getting there. So since this was in San Jose, I was going to meet up with my friend so that he could drive the two of us down there. I had to meet him after his Muay Thai (or was it Jujitsu that day?) lesson at El Niño Training Center, Strikeforce Lightweight Champion Gilbert Melendez's gym, in a part of the City I was unfamiliar with -- Third Street. And being a native San Franciscan, I've always heard stories about Third Street being pretty dangerous... granted that was from my father who thinks EVERY neighborhood can be dangerous and one step away from a traffic accident or a mugging... but I digress. My co-worker confided in me that it wasn't going to be bad since the eastern part of the City has gotten better since they put in the T line, which I had to ride to get there. And to be fair, it was actually safer than I thought. The area felt deserted so there was no one on the street except for me and another person...

Speaking of which, I have to backtrack just a bit to explain this "other person." So on the way there, a young Latino-looking guy in his twenties got on with this huge bag. My Batman Detective Skills kicked in and I began to subtly observe this guy. I noticed there were several bruises on him, including one below his eye. Possibly from a misplaced elbow that slipped his guard? The bag also looked like it had big equipment inside. Pads, possibly? This guy also looked very athletic... and possibly Brazilian. And just like all Chinese people know Kung Fu, all Brazilians (especially if they live in the States) know Brazilian Jujitsu. Sure enough, when we all got off the train, we were walking in the same direction and sure enough, he was going to the Training Center.

Am I a deductive genius, or was it just a "well, duh!" moment? Yeah, okay, fine... it could have been a coincidence or just the basic of common sense... but fucking A, man, on some days I think I could have been a decent detective... up there with Adrian Monk or those dudes from Psych. Or Jessica Fletcher... but then I'd be a mystery novelist and living in Maine and a walking form of death. Seriously, everywhere she went, someone died. For TWELVE SEASONS! But I digress.

So after meeting up with my friend, testing out my new phone's mapping and GPS abilities, and discussions about music and concerts and the usual shit we talk about, we were in San Jose. Now my friend has been to the Civic Auditorium on several occasions, mainly for conventions. This had been my first time there, but I had always seen it whenever I was in the area. The first thing I noticed upon entering is THIS sign:

HA! Really? Well, for starters, it's "Crowd surfing and moshing ARE not advised." Secondly, good luck trying to convince stupid white boys NOT to do stupid shit at a concert. That's like trying to tell male dogs not to lick their own balls or telling nature to stop it with the earthquakes and tornadoes all ready. Stupid white boys are going to do stupid white things... specifically the two things up above. They THRIVE on people not telling them what to do, because they have to rebel against the Man, or some shit.

So since specific seating was downgraded to everything being general admission, even though our regular seats were downstairs, we decided to go up just to get away from the inevitable crowd surfing, moshing, and the mixed scent of cheap weed, cheap beer, and bad body odor.

Unfortunately because of timing, we missed out on the opening bands: Dead Sara and Neon Trees. We heard the last song from Neon Trees from the lobby, which was "Everybody Talks." It's okay... I can see why it's on the radio. And I didn't even know who Dead Sara was until Tuesday. After checking up on their work yesterday, "Weatherman" was their big song. Personally, I like "Whispers and Ashes" a bit more, but "Weatherman" is all right. They have this Pearl Jam/Soundgarden/Foo Fighters/Flyleaf thing going on for them and I can dig that.

Now, I dig Offspring a lot. It reminds me a lot of my college days because I got into them during Americana which I'm sure a lot of hardcore Offspring fans wouldn't appreciate because that's when they "sold out" and got too "mainstream" or whatever.

That was a long sentence.

Anyways, believe it or not, I really got into them through my obsession with video games. Most Offspring fans would know what I'm talking about when I mention Crazy Taxi. I think that's why every time I see a cab, "All I Want" pops in my head.

And if it weren't for a fan video that compiled a whole bunch of Final Fantasy video clips, "Staring At the Sun" probably wouldn't be one of my favorite songs.

So I got to hear all the songs I wanted to hear, for the most part. They played all their hits, they played stuff off their new album, and they played my favorite song: "Gone Away." Now, I'm use to the album version...

I listen to this version on the computer and I sing this version in Rock Band... but the live version is slower, stripped down to a keyboard and on this leg of the tour, is turned into a duet with Dead Sara's lead singer Emily Armstrong. I know the first time I heard it this way years ago at the BFD show, I was a little sad not getting to hear it the original way, but the way it is now... I think it has more of an impact.

I think the funniest and most distracting thing for me at the concert was the mosh pit that, though not advisable, was still formed. I liked to call it "The Whirlpool of Despair and White Trash" since the mosh pit just formed and turned into a big circle. Stupid white kids, a white giant with the ugliest beard imagineable, and a dwarf Reggie Watts lookalike began running around in circles like a fucking Nascar event, running into each other and pushing each other, repressing whatever the fuck suburban white boys repress about.

I do find it funny how three things can defuse and tame the mosh pit: the acoustic guitar... slow music... and girls. To be honest, I thought I was gonna see a bunch of dumb white boys hitting the girls... and when I mean girls, I mean high school teenage girls skipping around, lightly pushing people out of the way... and one badass chick running into the circle, getting some pot shots on the bigger guys, and running out.

To give the little moshers credit, there IS a form of controlled chaos that goes on in that thing. I think one guy was filming the mosh pit from the inside, as if he was in the eye of the hurricane, filming what was going on. I think one big white boy, probably in high school, took offense to this... as if he was peeping on him in the shower or something... and the guy filming it, someone I will call the Anthropologist, since he was filming them as if it was a part of a nature show or a documentary or something -- defused the situation by trying to bro handshake with him. The big kid gave him the Robert DeNiro-in-Meet the Parents "I'm Watching You" hand gesture with two fingers.

So since crowd surfing wasn't advised, there was definitely some crowd surfing. At first, it looked like people were trying to start it but it would end right away. And then at around the second half, it picked up again. I don't know... if I was in the crowd, I wouldn't even try to support the person... unless it was a woman... and then maybe... just maybe.

One person actually managed to get on stage and he got all excited about beating the system. Security came in and grabbed him. The same guy made it on stage AGAIN and this time, security wasn't fooling around and put him in a rear naked choke. I was cheering on the guy, hoping he put him to sleep... but I'm sure he put it on lightly just to control him and finally take him away. If I saw the security guard put that guy to sleep, I would have lost my shit.

"Self Esteem" was their last song, and that's when we decided to head on out and beat the crowd. I love that song, but even I realized the sooner we're in the garage, the sooner we can get out of San Jose and back home. On the way, we were talking more about  music and the subject of best selling rock albums came up... and I was surprised to find out that Meat Loaf's "Bat Out Of Hell" is like in the top 10... I honestly didn't know.

So, even though I was still a little burnt out from the Garbage show, and had a better time there, I still had fun. I still love Offspring, even though I'm not familiar with their new album. The Offspring DID have a better light show than Garbage, who had a very minimalistic approach... though they DID have their background act as a projector that once in a while, aired some type of old stock footage from the past that would relate to the song they were singing. Ever since seeing them at the BFD show one or two years ago... I can't remember... my friend who I went with and I really wanted to see them at their own show, going longer in a venue that WASN'T the Shoreline... and I'm happy I got my wish.

Four down, two more to go. One small show that's probably going to require a lot of energy but a lot of fun in the process... and to top it all off... one of my favorite bands of all time, sans their most popular member. Hopefully I can add some more in between now and November 11th... and if I do, you KNOW I'll have something to say about it.

Concert Season 2012: Episode 3: Garbage

Garbage. One of the best bands ever playing the best concert I've been to at the Warfield.

Nothing else to say. Blog post over.

Okay, not really. This is me we're talking about. You know I can come up with WAY more to say.

So the first time I saw Garbage was a couple of months ago at the BFD Festival along with Cake, Silversun Pickups, and Jane's Addiction, who I totally didn't miss and just walk out after SPSU... okay, I totally did... but to be fair, I only knew two songs and I only came to see Garbage, Cake, and Silversun so I was good. Unfortunately it was at *ugh* the Shoreline, which I have to put up with since that place sucks if you're not in the first fifteen rows and always attracts the 'bro' crowd. And since it was a festival, they had a limited amount of time so I only got a 30-40 minute taste... and I wanted more. A couple of weeks later, they announced a San Francisco show, my friend and I got awesome tickets, and that was that.

Cut to yesterday, and while going to the show, I bumped into Ed, my friend/former roommate, who was also going to the show, meeting up with a friend there. I showed off my new phone... which I totally used to take pictures... because I can do that now... sure I could do that with my old phone but those pictures were just godawful.

Where was I?

So we head over to the Warfield. Now, I have a love/hate relationship with the Warfield. I've seen some really cool shows here and two awesome Jim Gaffigan stand-up shows. And Jaguar Love... what would I do without my measuring stick for mediocre trainwrecks.



I'll let Rick James speak on this.



Seriously. Maybe if they would take the money they use on drugs and spend it on singing lessons and learn NOT to make wild woodpecker mating calls then they might actually be decent. Is that what most tweaked-out-of-their-mind white boys sound like? Maybe it's an epidemic. Whatever... got sidetracked again... sorry.

So The Warfield, for me, has some good memories. Too bad it's in the shitty part of San Francisco. That, and ever since the Fox opened up, The Warfield just is an old, outdated version of that. Sure, their live sound is better than the Fox, but the Warfield's seats are just tiny and uncomfortable... unlike the Fox, which have nice, comfortable, cushioned, wider leather seats. The Warfield's lobby is super tiny to the point where it takes a minute or two to get from the entrance to the doors to the floor and stairs to the balcony, since the ground floor bar and merch table make huge crowds of standing people being in the way. I would have got merch, but there's only room for one merch table in that place and that line is ALWAYS super long... especially last night. And seriously, when I feel safer in that part of Oakland compared to that part of Market Street that always has that aura of alcohol-infused urine and body odor with several doses of paranoia and muggers, that's just fucking uncalled for.

But with that said, this was probably one of the better experiences I've been to. The crowd was energetic but there were WAY less douchebags compared to the other shows. There was a lot of movement on the floor from what I could see, but it was all upwards. People were dancing and jumping up, but it didn't feel like people were pushing or disrespecting people's personal space. If there was a show I wish I could have been on the floor for, it was this show. The view of the stage from my place, though, was really cool. I had really good seats and there was hardly anyone in my way, save for the encore where people in front of me decided to stand.

I only got to hear two and a half songs from the opening band, The Screaming Females.... which is only one-third correct. They had the Nirvana/Green Day trio setup, with a vocalist/guitarist, a bassist, and a drummer. The singer was this tiny, awesome woman who was just rocking the fuck out. I dug what I heard. I really can't match what I heard to any of the songs I've seen on YouTube, though... probably out of a case of being unfamiliar... that and their songs were very similar in sound.



So all the YouTube stuff that I've heard so far have that very indie-rock garage sound, which I dig, but when I saw them live, they sounded way more raw and hard... so I don't know if it was a case of the Warfield's acoustics changing their sound or if they just used a different setup or I don't know what. Either case, I think they're cool and I'm gonna listen to their stuff a little more.

Plus, she KINDA looks like Ash.



So... yeah... Garbage. I have a confession to make and you probably all ready know this... but I really love Garbage. They're one of the few rock bands I got into before I hit college, where my taste in music evolved and got into so much stuff. I remember watching them on MTV and seeing this smoking-hot redhead with cherry-red lips and the voice of a goddess, shooting down her bandmates in a futuristic WWII plane, looking like it came out of a scene from Tank Girl. I don't know if "Special" was the first video I saw from them, but it's definitely the one that sticks in my mind.



Along with Gwen Stefani, Shannon Elizabeth, Angelina Jolie from Hackers, TLC and Toni Braxton, and other high school crushes, Shirley Manson was one of the stronger celebrity crushes during my teenage years. And over the years, it just got stronger, especially with the release of their fourth album Bleed Like Me. As my love for music grew stronger, the more I fully appreciated the band, not just for Shirley Manson's voice, but for the musicianship and craft it took to make their albums memorable to me.

Cut to last night... ohmigod I was 10-15 yards away from her... ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod!

I don't know what happened there... lost my composure for a second, I'm sorry.

There's really no need to review or give my take on this show since I've all ready been clear what that answer is. This was a fucking phenomenal show. And since I'm on like basically five hours of sleep and running on fumes, hoping that's enough to have a great time at the Offspring show I'll be going to tonight, maybe I should just mention some of the highlights that I can remember and put into words:

• Shirley Manson can still fucking sing. That aura that she had back in the day still affects me to the point where I'm just fucking speechless sometimes.
• #1 Crush is awesome live, and this video does NOT give it enough credit. The guitar riffs are even sexier live.

• So before the show, I made a list of what I wanted to hear in the preview blogpost. Out of those songs, I don't remember hearing: The World Is Not Enough, When I Grow Up, Automatic Systematic Habit, Sex Is Not The Enemy, Run Baby Run, Big Bright World, Not Your Kind of People, Man On A Wire. But I don't fucking care... I'm still satisfied. They did play Vow... and my friend went crazy for that. Not Ed... but my other friend.
• I also heard "Supervixen" and "Queer"... and yes, I'm sure Shirley Manson can take me out with the flick with her wrist.
• During the encore, they played "Bad Boyfriend," and this fabulous man stood up and began dancing like Madonna, singing along as if he was the frontwoman on stage. I looked at him and said internally, "You go, dude. Rock on."
• They played "Stupid Girl" and with what happened during the summer, I appreciated it a little bit more than usual.

• You know when people hold on to the 80s and say that anything from the 90s, especially the music, sucked, they're immediately proven wrong just by Garbage's existence.
• You wanna know why there's a fucking heat wave in San Francisco? Garbage. They're that fucking hot... which unfortunately makes the crappy garbage on the streets... er, debris... and people smell. Normally, I would be sweating at a rock concert but this definitely amplified the experience of a whitehot show.

So, three down and three more to go. I don't know if Offspring can top Garbage but hey, I'll give them a shot. All I need to hear is "Gone Away" and "The Kids Are All Right" and "Staring at the Sun" and I'm good. I'll be back with tonight's adventure to San Jose.

Concert Season 2012: Preview of Episode 3: My Dream Setlist

Tonight...

I'll be going downtown in a little over an hour and I just can't wait to get my Shirley Manson fix. Here's what I'm HOPING to hear tonight:

• Special
• Only Happy When It Rains
• #1 Crush
• The World Is Not Enough
• Blood for Poppies (duh!)
• Automatic Systematic Habit
• Why Do You Love Me? (most definitely)
• I Think I'm Paranoid
• Stupid Girl
• When I Grow Up
• Push It
• (basically ANYTHING from Version 2.0)
• Shut Your Mouth
• Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go!)
• Sex Is Not the Enemy
• Run Baby Run
• Big Bright World
• Not Your Kind of People
• Man On A Wire

I almost listed every song I like that I can think off the top of my head. That's like 18 songs. I guess if they're the headliner, they'll be able to play more songs than last time I saw them, so I'm hoping to get a real good mix of old and new songs. And a lot of love from Garbage... especially Shirley.

Concert Season 2012: Episode 2: Silversun Pickups

Going to two concerts in one week, especially if they're two days apart from each other, can be pretty exhausting, especially if one is coming home late from them, which happens to be my case. Fuck you, Fox Theater, why can't you and the Warfield switch places?

Wait... no... the Warfield's area not only sucks, it smells of piss and depression and makes Oakland look like Utopia in comparison.

Let me start over. Why can't you move over to the Inner Sunset or the Haight or the Mission... some place I don't MIND going to?

Actually, fuck it. Good job, Oakland. You got one place I actually like going to. But before I get into the bands, I have one request for the Fox: please fix your sound problem. I don't know how it is on the floor, but for some reason, the vocals always sound a little muffled. I know people have told me in the past they've had a problem with the Fox's audio issues but I never really had a problem with it until recently. Looking back, they've had that problem since they've opened. And since that's the case, maybe I should give Fidlar a quick listen to... well... maybe after I get into the two opening bands.

So I was a little late getting to the Fox Wednesday night, so I only got to hear the last song from Australian band Atlas Genius, the first opening band. I think they were playing "Trojans." I'm not quite sure. But the one song I heard, I dug it. They're very indy, alt-rock and that seems to be my thing. They had a similar setup to Silversun Pickups: a vocalist/guitarist, a bassist on backup, a drummer, and a keyboardist. They only have a four-song EP up on Spotify and iTunes, but from what I heard so far, I actually hope they put out more stuff.



My friend and sisters got to the theater in time to see School of Seven Bells, this cool synth rock band with twin sisters as vocals and keyboards. I think the leader of the band was the guitarist, though. I found it odd that the keyboard replaced bass... maybe I'm just old school in my vocalist/guitarist/bassist/drummer setup. My friend said it was "the second coming of Silversun" and my sisters said the band kept on reminding them of The Craft and Charmed. It was probably because they had this cool trinity circle/ring thingee that had tiny lights with different colors going off. Just imagine this thing with Christmas lights. It rocked.

All I kept on seeing was the design of a Mexican Luchador mask in the middle.

Their music reminded me more of My Bloody Valentine, Siouxsie and the Banshees, and Placebo, kinda like an 80s goth/synth/pop rock sound. Yeah, I know Placebo is more 90s, but their was some hint of their style in there. I personally dug their sound. I just wish I knew what she was singing about. Like I said before, the audio problems in the Fox made the words sound not as clear as it should, and hence I really couldn't make out the words. Coming back a day or two later to listen to their recorded stuff makes me wish I took the time to listen to them before the show to better appreciate it. And I really like "Low Times." Be amazed by the Trinity Circle.



So, the Silversun Pickups were awesome. I mean, that's the reason why I went. This might be either the fourth or fifth time I've seen them live. It could be the fifth... fuck, it could be the sixth... but five times sounds about right. Anyways, I'll totally recommend them, like all the other bands before them... but SSPU especially. I'll just talk about the things I noticed and/or told while watching them.

• I didn't really notice it from the balcony, but bassist Nikki Monninger was pregnant. My friend told me before they came on. If he hadn't noticed, I wouldn't really have noticed... until Brian mentioned "she got really fat." Apparently, she'll be playing a show or two before the replacement comes in so Oakland lucked out.
• About one or two or three songs in, they began having technical issues on Brian's end. The tech guys came in and couldn't solve the problem for like 10-15 minutes. My friend, being a guitarist who does a lot of gigs himself, was saying the tech people were pretty clueless if they couldn't figure out right away what the problem was. So Chris the drummer started doing a drum solo, and Nikki began doing a bass riff, and immediately I knew it was the opening riff to "Three Seed," one of my favorite songs from them. Apparently, a lot of other people knew what it was, too, and began cheering. So they just began playing that song, sans guitars... which was a little off since there is a cool guitar solo in the middle... but it was still awesome. So hey, at least from out of a bad situation, something good came out of it... since I don't even think that was on the setlist.

• They played a LOT of songs from their most recent album Neck of the Woods. They only played four or five songs from their second album, Swoon, (I recognized "The Royal We," "Panic Switch," "Catch and Release," and maybe "Substitution". I forget.) and only two and a half songs from Carnavas... including "Three Seed," "Lazy Eye," which was the last song before the encore, and my favorite SSPU song "Well Thought Out Twinkles" closed off the show. Back in the day, they use to play that song second... and now it receives encore status. Nothing from their first EP Pikul and maybe a song from their other EP Seasick... or is that just a single with two "B-sides?"

The "radio" version... it sounds edited for time.

Don't get me wrong... I like their more recent album. There's a lot of songs that I dig... I just dig the other two albums way more. I still love "Skin Graph," though. And really, there is a lot of good stuff on this album.

So I have the unfortunate gift of being easily distracted by the tiniest of things. I guess you can say I'm perceptive and I can catch things that don't fit or aren't right or whatever... but seriously, I just think it's just a case of me being distracted and fixated on stupid shit... unless I have to find an inconsistency at work... then it's the only time I can put this to good use. ANYWAYS... there was a couple of things that caught my eye while watching the show...

• All the way down below on the ground floor, I noticed this drunk blonde chick being a bitch by intentionally ramming herself into this dude leaning on the front barrier. I don't know if they're friends, or if he said something to piss her off, or if she was pissed that she didn't have his spot and was being a bitch about it, but I noticed that while I was sitting in the mezzanine.
• And in a case of me just being easily distracted, I couldn't stop staring at the people a couple rows down, being all drunk and standing up and shit. Funny story, there was this couple, a drunk white chick and her bro boyfriend, and the bro went to go get more beers, and she was just standing up, not hearing the two or so people telling her to sit down. An attendant -- you know, the ones who help people to their seats -- went up to her and told her to sit down. Not giving a shit, she continued to stand. Realizing his words weren't getting to the bitch, he walked over to get the black security guard who told her to sit down, in which case she sat down right away. I kinda predicted what was going to happen once I saw the attendant walk away, so I smiled in my pseudo-clairvoyance.
• In the same row, there was this awkward, bald, white dude that had the worst rocking-out moves ever. He would just stand there, and then a fist would come up, and some awkward drumming, and then some pointing at the band and then both hands raised as if he won first place in a Billy Corgan lookalike contest. All of it had no rhythm. If you're going to get in my way, at least be one with the music, and not reenact tone deafness through interpretive dance.
• Meanwhile, it looked as if drunk white chick and bro boyfriend had left, but they only left for more beer apparently. The chick came back first and was swaying back and forth in the aisle like the typical drunken white girl dance. The attendant told her to go back to the seat since she was in people's walking way. She climbed over the seats, right next to awkward bald dude. He looked pleasantly surprised that a girl appeared out of nowhere. And somehow, they began rocking out together. He went for a high-five and she almost left him hanging, but I think she returned the gesture. He got a little too close... I mean they COULD have been friends going in, but they weren't sitting next to each other throughout the show... they were like three or four seats away. Bro boyfriend comes back... a beer in both hands, spilling some with every walk... and I was thinking something was going to start... but then awkward bald dude began getting all spasticy, rocking out with the bro and getting pretty close to him. Maybe he was apologizing for getting too close... maybe they were friends... maybe he was saying something as if he really wasn't hitting on her... maybe he would rock out with anyone within arms distance from him... who the fuck knows? All I know is I didn't get my Bro Boyfriend vs Awkward Dude moment... and my sister didn't get her "drunk chick tripping over the chairs, breaking her neck" moment. Le sigh.

It's kinda hard NOT to be distracted by this kind of shit when they stand in your way of the stage. I know I can be pretty misanthropic at moments in time when I shouldn't be, but at times likes this, it's hard not to be. Regardless, the concert was still pretty awesome. Then again, I was with people who really liked Silversun so that made it a whole lot easier to have a good time.

And even though I didn't get home until way past midnight, it was worth it. Two down, four more to go. If I don't go to any more shows this month, then Garbage is up next... and I'm definitely looking forward to that one.

Concert Season 2012: Episode 1: The Hives

Son of a bitch, I'm tired. Maybe I should have got a super sugary white mocha instead of an unsweetened chai latee. True, it IS a good kind of tired, but the kind of tired that still wishes I was sleeping in my bed. This is what happens when my first show of my once-five-now-six-show concert season contains the unstoppable Swedish rock juggernaut known collectively as the Hives.

If you don't know The Hives, you SHOULD know them from their two big hits: "Hate to Say I Told You So"...


and "Tick Tick Boom".


If you STILL don't know them, then fucking fuck, man... get on fucking top of that. I went to the Fox Theater yesterday to watch The Hives perform live for the second time. Going in, I knew it was going to be pure energy shooting straight into my eyes and ears... and they didn't disappoint.

The opening band, Fidlar, was okay. They tried to replicate the energy and sound one would expect at a Hives concert. They were okay. I didn't know of them going in so I really didn't know any of their songs and that could have hindered my overall enjoyment of the band. The frontman looked like he was having fun, but he went for the Marty-McFly-emulating-Jimi-Hendrix's-playing-on-his-back move one too many times. They did an okay cover of Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Lodi" which made me want to listen to Creedence.

You can probably all ready tell I had a fucking blast, so I'm not going to review their performance. It was awesomer than awesome can get. I'll just explain in note format why I fucking love the show and the band in general, and give you no excuse not to see them live.

- I'm not one for dressing up, especially when it comes to my rock bands. My favorite rock bands all have MY type of fashion: t-shirt, jeans, and fucking rock music. But The Hives always dress in stylish black and white, and they ALWAYS dress to impress. It fucking works for them, and it just adds to their mystique. Last time I saw them play, they were in stylish black suits with white outlining them. This time around? Tuxedos and top hats. Bad ass.

- Their roadies? Fucking ninjas. Blonde, Swedish ninja chicks. Well, one was blonde... though she could have just been backstage, popping her head every now and again and could have not been a ninja. But I would like to think The Hives go around the world, being protected by Swedish female ninjas, because they're just that fucking awesome. Plus, the ninjas, after making sure the cords aren't tripping up the band and the microphone stand is upright, will periodically play backup percussionists, just because they fucking can.

- Howlin' Pelle didn't get his nickname for nothing. He is by far one of the best frontmen ever. Sure, I still beleive that Freddy Mercury is number one in that category, but if there's anyone who can give him a run for his money, it's Pelle Almqvist. I wouldn't be surprised if he evolved one day to a ball of pure energy, because even when that guy is "resting" on stage, he is still full of energy. That guy doesn't stop moving... he needs to stand on everything you can stand on: the drums, the speakers, the sides of the stage that only have six inches of ledge to stand on. If he's not on stage, he's in the audience, slapping hands and putting the microphone to them. He knows he rules every single audience member in the palm of his hands. If he wants them to scream and jump, he'll make them. If he wants them to be quiet, they'll shut up. He's that fucking good.

- And by the way, you know that fucking Maroon 5 song, "Moves Like Jagger." That song is based off of Pelle. And if it's not, it SHOULD be. Douchebag Adam Levine should have learned something when The Hives... grrr... opened... *takes a deep breath, holding in anger* for Maroon 5 years ago. You would think Pelle was Mick Jagger reincarnated until you realize that Jagger is still being kept alive by the Lazarus Pits.

- His brother, guitarist Nicholaus Arson, is just as energetic. When he's not singing backup, he's all over stage, rocking the fuck out. Along with the drummer Chris Dangerous, it just adds to my theory that they're just pure energy in rock form.

- Dr. Matt Destruction and Vigilante Carlstroem, the bassist and guitarist respectively, just play it cool on stage right. But even when they play, they play to rock your socks off. And I love Dr. Matt's rock-out face. I can't help but smile.

- Their music is also infused with that raw energy they possess on stage. They play that "fast punk music" that Californians love, Pelle claims as he's on stage. And well, he's right. It's fast, it's in your face, and it's rock. Their slower hits are fucking catchy, and you get that blast of energy in 2-4 minutes per song.

- The Hives, along with The Sounds, The International Noise Conspiracy, The Cardigans, and The Sahara Hotnights, are the reasons why I would give any Swedish rock band a good listen.

- If you want the concert experience of your life, you need to go to a Hives concert. If you can't handle the wave of general admission, moving constantly, pushing you in all different directions, then don't worry, I can't anymore either. But you owe yourself to either get yourself a seat and enjoy from afar, or stand in the back, and just see the experience upclose. I have to warn you, like any other concert, there will be the usual share of assholes who have no respect for others and act like a complete dick. This just gives you a good excuse to punch someone in the balls for not showing their fellow concertgoers the common courtesy to not have 250 pounds of stanky ass ramming everyone within ten yards of them.

- And one final note... they're totally worth coming out to Oakland and staying up late to see them. Sure, it's the Fox Theater, and that in itself is a good excuse to go to Oakland, but that's just an added bonus.

And now, I have to recover and get some energy up for the next concert tomorrow, the Silversun Pickups. It won't be as beautifully chaotic as a Hives concert, but it will still be an awesome show, if I'm to take into account all the times I've seen them live. The next four shows -- Garbage, Offspring, The Uptones, and The Monkees -- should be just as interesting. I've got a pretty good concert season ahead of me. I wonder if it'll beat out the season I had a couple of years ago. I shall see. Until then, rock on.

Ashes to Ashes: What To Do With My Dead Corpse

While talking with co-workers, someone brought up the topic of death and what to with our bodies after they passed away. Someone said the person they knew who was on the verge of death was going to be buried, and another co-worker said they just wanted to be cremated and brought up a service that scatters ashes below the Golden Gate Bridge.

I told them that I want to be cremated... I don't want to waste money on a wooden box/bed that I won't really get to enjoy. However, instead of being scattered in JUST the San Francisco Bay, I want half my ashes scattered in Amsterdam. I know I lived in San Jose longer, but Amsterdam is more of a second home to me than San Jose. I just felt more at ease in Amsterdam than when I was in San Jose. It was a lot more laid back than in San Francisco... unless you started biking too slow on the main streets. It wasn't the prostitutes nor the weed that won me over... the canals, the attitude, the awesome apple tart, the school and the awesome friends I made there... those won me over.

Now, I'm not requesting my ashes being divided into two places because of some spiritual stuff like my "essence" being in two places at once. I don't even think it'll matter much after I'm dead, since... you know... I'll be dead. However, this gives my friends and family (or whoever decides to take on the task of taking my ashy remains to Holland) the opportunity to visit the City that I love as much as San Francisco... if not, sometimes more so.

Now over time, I'm sure my conditions will change. I'm sure I'll add a city here and there, like Paris or whatever city that wins me over later in life, but I'm sure Amsterdam and San Francisco will still be a part of those cities' waters my ashes will pollute be scattered in.

Scattering my ashes, though, isn't EXACTLY my first option. If I had $2300-25000 to completely waste and not care about losing, I would totally turn my ashes into a FUCKING DIAMOND! I know there's several companies out there that do this type of thing, and I think it would be totally creepy and cool at the same time. My diamond could be passed down from generation to generation. The ONLY reason why I would ever want to do this is so that whoever possesses the ash gem could summon me a la Final Fantasy 6's Esper summons. Anyone trying to mess with my family could summon me from the diamond and my ghost can appear out of nowhere, scare the shit out of their tormentors, and I can throw a fucking fireball in their fucking face!

Yeah, that could totally happen.

I'm only kinda kidding about that ash diamond, by the way. Kinda. I'm a dork, I know.

Now I Know Why I Have No Luck With the Ladies...

... because I look like THIS when I flirt.

I kid, of course.

Oh, Torgo.

In Defense of the Overplayed Song on the Radio (That I Really, Really Like)

"Aww yeah, TURN THAT SHIT UP! I fucking LOVE this song. The harmonies in this song are amazing, the raw emotion of the lyrics in the chorus and...

"Aww come on, man! Why are you turning it off? This song's great! Oh wait, you use to love this song, but since you listen to the radio every day in your car as you commute to and from work and since this song is #1 on the singles list, all the radio channels have conspired to play this song on all their stations and you can't avoid it, you've begun to hate it with a passion? Well sorry, man... that sucks. We don't have to listen to it.

"I do have to remind you that I constantly catch myself singing this song, especially the chorus... so if I do that and it irritates you in advance, I apologize in advance."

So that pretty much sums up all of the conversations I've had in my friends' cars every time "Somebody That I Use To Know" comes on the air... and almost every popular song that's good, but gets WAY overplayed to the point people are just tired of it.

I understand their argument; I never listen to the radio because I grew tired of what they were playing and the couple of songs that I liked, they played it every half hour along with the other seven songs I either liked or didn't like in varying degrees. I remember having to listen to the same Britney Spears song every day at 6am, the time my alarm clock went off. One day, I woke up and they were playing something else. Of course, the song ended in ten seconds, and the DJ introduced, of course, the same Britney Spears song (it could have been "Slave 4 U" or "Toxic" or one of those, I don't remember.) But right there and then, I decided never to wake up to the radio.

"But you didn't have to CUUUUUUUUUT me off..." oh shit, sorry. It just happened, I'm sorry. Where was I?

Unlike some of my friends, I take the bus to work. I can listen to whatever is on my iPod or smart phone. Or YouTube or Spotify or Pandora or whatever. Why can't they just turn off the radio, or put in a CD? If I was stuck in a car, I'd get bored listening to traffic noises and go into road rage sooner or later. And CDs? What if you get bored and wanna change a CD? Is anyone really going to change CDs while driving? Getting the CD out from the glove box, take the CD out and replace it? Unless you have a passenger, changing CDs might get you into an accident, no matter how quick you are.

"And I don't even NEED your love..." Dammit, not again.

I could blame the person in the car, but it's really not their fault. I could blame the song, but is it the songwriter's fault for having a catchy song that everyone likes? Isn't that a dream for most writers out there: to have a successful song that people really enjoy? Sure, half of the music on the radio (or more, it's been a while since I listened to the radio constantly) is utter crap that's got that one catchy pop hook that enough people will like it, despite the shitty lyrics and repetitive beats, but there's some good songs out there. It's just harder to find sometimes.

"Treat me like a stranger, it feels so rough..." Sorry, I got distracted. This happens every fucking time a song gets stuck in my head.

Nah, I blame the current radio culture. I blame Clearchannel for having their monotonous business structure in every song, ad, and DJ segment mapped out in advance. That's why I have to hear Britney Spears every time I woke up at the same time. That's why people get tired of good songs (or really bad songs) when it's playing on the radio every eight minutes.

"But'cha didn't have to..." Shit! You see, I stopped myself there.

It makes me sad to hear someone hate a good song because it's overplayed. It's true that you don't need to listen to the radio every day to get tired of a song (supermarkets, TV, and movies can overplay a song just as much.) Then again, people can listen to the radio every day and not get tired of a certain overplayed song.

"Every now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over..." See, I wasn't even thinking. What? I sing the girl part, so what?

The thing is: there's always an alternative. If you're tired of the radio, hook your iPod to the car stereo. If your car is old, CD it up. Or listen to NPR, if you don't fall asleep to talk radio, that is. I just hope one day, the radio will stop overplaying my favorite songs so that I don't feel like a douchebag every time I accidentally sing a song out loud.

"Toniiii-yiii-eiaiiaiaiyght... we are young..." Wait... no.

Knowing today's music scene, though, the flavor of the month will change to some song that we'll all like or dislike, the song will stop playing, and hopefully we can all look back on that one song we didn't want to listen to any more because it drove us crazy up a fucking wall, and realize it was actually pretty good. Maybe I'll go back to that one Britney Spears song and say, "Hey, it's actually pretty catchy." But if it was "Slave 4 U," only the video... you know why. Maybe it was "Toxic" that got overplayed... fuck, who cares?

"Now you're just somebody that I use to know..." There I go again... you know what, no apologies this time. NO APOLOGIES!

"Somebodyyyy..." "I use to know..." "Now you're just somebody that I USE TO KNOWHOAWHOAOW!" The harmonies kick ass, dammit. I don't care how many times it's played, I'll always like that part.

At least it's not Jaguar Love... or shitty Christian Country "rock." Or "Friday." Or "Whip My Hair." Or anything off of Maroon 5 that's NOT from "Songs About Jane."

Stupid People Make Stupid Parents (Issue 2)

So I bumped into THIS video online and it's "going viral," so they say. To sum it up, some young kid who looks like he's four years old sings in church and sings this line "Ain't no homos gonna make it to heaven" that gets a standing ovation to the (mindnumbingly stupid) churchgoers.

I'm sure others have said their piece, and how tragic it is that homophobes and racists train their spawns at an early age to hate like them... and I'm sure somewhere else has said funnier comments, but fuck that, I'm going to rip it any further.

1. Wouldn't it be something if it was really a song about gay people getting into heaven and the double negative was used to fool the idiots at the church? Not likely, eh? Well then...
2. It's "Ain't n No homos gonna are going to make it to heaven" or "will make it to heaven", you dumb fuck. Learn proper English before you bash someone or you'll be open to get bashed, regardless of age. But you probably won't, since you'll probably be home schooled and taught how to spell through the Bible and FOX News. 
3. The parents were proud of the kid... apparently someone said "That's my boy" during the video... and probably taught him that song. To be honest, I should feel sorry for the kid, since his parents are more focused on teaching hate than Hooked on Phonics. I guess hating on gays and liberals make them feel like bigger people. Aren't these people suppose to believe in... I don't know... Jesus? That's what makes them Christians, right? I don't remember him saying "I hate dem damn queer, Commie libruls." I guess that's in the Pat Robertson translation, someone who believes that homosexuality is similar to demonic possession and thinks prayer can stop natural disasters. (HOW is this guy not in a padded cell?)
4. That kid really needs to learn how to enunciate when he sings... or talks, because that wasn't really singing... he was just speaking in rhythm. I really only understood the chorus; the rest of the song sounded like jibberish. I know it's hard to understand most 4-year-olds since they're getting use to speaking, but he all ready sounds like a fucking redneck. Unfortunately, this kid isn't off to a great start and hopefully doesn't get held back in school when he fails science over and over again.
5. If they're so easily entertained by a toddler singing a mediocre song, I bet I can shock and awe them with this shiny stapler on my desk... or a lava lamp... or a ship in a bottle... or a Newt Gingrich speech.
6. I'd rather listen to Gotye's "Somebody That I Use To Know" in a 24-hour loop than listen to this kid again. Well, wait, that's not fair... I actually love this song. Uhhh... I'd rather listen to Jaguar Love? Ugggh. Yeah, I'd rather punish my ears with that than watch Baby Santorum.
7. This gives religion a bad name. This gives a bad name to those Christians who don't use their religion to justify their hatred toward other people who go to a church that accept all who come through their doors and treats everyone with honor and respect.
8. I'm not an atheist per se... I'm more agnostic than anything... but I don't believe in THEIR God and THEIR church. Sadly, this is an example of why people shit on Christianity and religion in general.
9. This church also gives a bad name to Indiana... or at least the few sane people from that state. I know a couple of people from Indiana and they're awesome... they're WAY better than these fucks, and they don't hate on people like these stupid dimwits.
10. If there is a god and it's an unjust god, this little fucker will actually believe the shit out of his mouth and not actually get to know actual gay people and realize the church's hate is a lie, and he'll end up being a successful country singer. If there's a just god, he'll be on Broadway, starring as the lead part in South Pacific, come home and introduce his family to his partner, Jerry. But if it's anything like reality, this little kid may or may not believe the shit out of his mouth, grow up to work at McDonald's in his hometown, never having the chance to move out, and may or may not blame the Mexicans for taking away all the jobs, making him work the night shift. I just hope the kid ends up being a rebel and tells his parents and church to fuck off. Let's hope he smartens up if he ever ends up going to the Indiana University. (Go Hoosiers... unless they're up against the Badgers... then Go Wisconsin!)

I'm so glad my parents raised me in a secular household, giving me the choice to be religious or not, and giving me the choice to do my research of which religion was best for me, if I ever wanted to belong to a particular faith. I don't want to see the alternate universe where my parents stuck around with the Jehovah's Witnesses (and didn't say, in the words of my dad, "This is fucking stupid. Let's go.") or if my dad didn't abandon Catholicism as a child. To be fair, I'd probably still be the way I am today, especially growing up in San Francisco. I wouldn't be able to survive if I couldn't celebrate birthdays or not go without contraception anyway. 

Plus, I could totally take that kid in a karaoke challenge any day. 

Stupid People Make Stupid Parents (Issue 1)

So I bumped into this meme on George Takei's Facebook page and it just stuck with me.

Ain't that the truth.

To be fair, I know a lot of parents who are down-to-earth, honest, hardworking, caring people who want to instill logic and reason and good qualities and traits in their children. But for every one good child out there, it sure feels like there's five miserable, obnoxious children who have parents that are miserable, obnoxious people themselves, or just don't know how to keep their child in check. I don't know about the proportion... it hasn't been scientifically proven... and I could be exaggerating for dramatics sake.

But then there are children I feel sorry for, because they were doomed from the start for having the stupidest parents ever, and if those kids end up decent, it's through no help from their parents other than the kid having the realization that their mom or dad or both are complete idiots and they want to grow up being NOT them.

Case in point: Patricia Krentcil, a mom in New Jersey, was arrested the other day for allegedly bringing her five-year-old daughter to the tanning salon and giving her a tan, after she went to school with a sunburn and saying she got her burn from going to the tanning salon with her mom. Now, the mom says she's not guilty because she never let her inside the booth, but rather her daughter was outside as the mother was being tanned, and that the daughter got the sunburn from playing out in the sun.

Now, I'm going to give the mother the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she didn't let her daughter get burned by a box of ultraviolet lamps and rather, it happened the old fashioned way. Let's just take a look at the mother in question, more specifically her police mugshot grabbed from The Smoking Gun.

So apparently, the Smurfs have Smurfette and the Oompa Loompas have... this. And apparently after she got arrested, she felt she needed more tanning to get ready for her interview with the local news station... and looked like this:

Wow. I don't know what to say. Actually, I'm lying; I have plenty to say.

1. What the fuck?

2. This is the danger of tanning booths... a 44-year-old white woman ends up looking like a 58-year-old white woman in blackface.

3. Seriously, what the fuck?

4. When telling a couple of friends about this, my friend from New Jersey, without even watching or hearing about the news story, asked: "Was she from Jersey?" He knows what's up.

5. She compares bringing her daughter to a tanning salon to bringing her to the grocery store. I don't know whether to feel infuriated by the stupidity of that statement or deathly afraid by teaching her daughter that tanning is just as normal as an everyday errand. Unfortunately, to Leatherface, it is. 2012/05/04 UPDATE: Apparently, the fine folks at Happy Place/Jockular/someecards think her face looks like a football.

6. For some reason, if this woman wasn't hellbent on burning her skin off her body, she'd still remind me of Sheila Keith, the old lady from "Frightmare."

7. Her daughter is red-haired and fair-skinned. All the red-haired, fair-skinned people I know don't normally tan as much as just burn. I could be wrong. Even if the daughter got burned from the sun and not from the tanning booth, isn't there some neglect here and not properly watching the kid or making sure she had some type of protection? Though to be fair, sunscreen doesn't even work for me and just leaves me worse than if I didn't put anything on at all.

I could bash New Jersey in creating this type of culture (and some Jersey people might actually agree) but I'm not. This person is either completely stupid, completely obsessed and misinformed on a specific image to the point she doesn't even see the damage, or just a mixture of both.

Krentcil wants her daughter to have the ability to choose to tan or not, whenever she's legally old enough to tan in a salon. My parents had a similar philosophy for me... for religion. It's nice to know her mother thinks she's not forcing her into the tanning culture *snark*, but by bringing her to a salon and that overtanning is completely normal and mommy does it to look beautiful, it doesn't really help things.

Look, I'm no saint. If I had kids, there's a 80% chance their first word would be "fuck," but I think I would be able to teach my kids about proper sunbeam protection. That, and tanning salons are fucking stupid and are only around for petty, narcissistic people who think they'll look prettier if their skin was eleven shades darker. Newsflash... no. I just hope her daughter grows up to be competent and figures out that too much of something is a bad thing... especially when it leads to skin cancer.

Snow White and the Huntsman: What the Posters Are Really Saying

Charlize Theron: As you can plainly see, I'm way more badass than Julia Roberts.

Kristin Stewart: *bites lip* So like, are these little people going to lead me to Edward... I mean Chris Hemsworth... so he can turn me into a vampire... I mean a huntsman... I mean... *bites lip, rolls eyes* whatever.

Me: Oh great, not only are they turning Snow White into Twilight, but Joan of Arc as well?!? That's just going TOO far.

Chris Hemsworth: This mortal form grows weak. I require SUSTENANCE!

Kristin Stewart: So like... *rolls eyes, sighs* is this where I meet the Cheshire Cat? Is HE going to turn me into a vampire... huntsman... Alice... *bites lip* Leave me alone, crows.

Charlize Theron: I'm STILL more badass, bitches.

Mirror Mirror: What The Poster Is Really Saying

Lily Collins: Oh hello. Don't I look like Audrey Hepburn in this and not at all like my ugly bloke of a father, Phil. I'm such a pretty lady.

Julia Roberts: STOP STEALING MY GIMMICK, YOU FUCKING BITCH!

Photo Credit: Relativity Media

The Daydream Believer

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a big Monkees fan. I got sucked into "Monkee Mania" during the mid eighties the minute my cousins turned on a new-again repeat of The Monkees on MTV. Or was it Nickelodeon? It might have been both. Anyways, I don't know if it was their wacky antics that first enticed me, but what really stuck was their music. And for a five-year-old digging on classic pop-rock and whatever my dad would allow me to listen to (which was classic rock, motown, and anything else that was on KFRC, the San Francisco Bay Area's oldies channel at the time,) it may explain why I get into awesome bands way after their heyday.

So when I got the Facebook messages and e-mails and text messages and whatnot about the passing of Davy Jones on the 29th of February, I have to say I didn't know how to feel at first. To be honest, while I was a huge Monkees fan, I was never a big Davy Jones fan. As a kid, my favorites were Mickey Dolenz (the crazy-haired goofball with the silly facial expressions) and Peter Tork (the shy and awkward hippyish one.) When I grew up and began to appreciate the deeper cuts of their songs and having had more experience with other types of music, my favorite was Michael Nesmith. While watching the shows, Davy always got the girl, and that didn't help his case in my eyes. Musically, Davy only played the tambourine and maracas, sang the sappy love songs, and was a part of my least favorite song on "More of the Monkees" entitled "The Day We Fall In Love." That, at the time before his death, were my reasonings for him by least favorite Monkee.

During my teenage years, I had gotten defensive over the years about why I liked the Monkees, even though I was told by several people "they didn't write their own music" or "they didn't play their own instruments". And even though they were said as light jabs, they got under my skin. And to me, Davy Jones represented that bad wrap the Monkees got. I don't know why Micky didn't get the same treatment from me, but it was probably out of bias. Davy got the bad wrap from me as a result, despite the fact he was the vocalist for "Daydream Believer"...


And "Valleri"... which fucking rocks.


And "I Wanna Be Free." The TV version is my favorite version... not the slower album version.


But then I began to remember, one by one, the other Davy Jones songs I had taken for granted in the Monkees catalog that are underrated. There's songs with... I don't know... some meaning behind them.

Like "You And I" off of Instant Replay, talking about the nature of the music (and entertainment) business. "In a year or maybe two, we'll be gone and someone new will take our place. Another song, another voice, another pretty face."


Or talking about groupies in "Star Collector." "She only aims to please young celebrities... It won't take much time to get her off my mind."


Or the many messages in "She Hangs Out," where you have to tell your friend (or girlfriend or acquaintance... it's not clear who 'you' is,) "Dude, your sister is getting around, and I may make a move on her... really soon. In fact, I MAY have slept with her. I AM Davy Jones, after all."


Even his sappy shit rocks... like "I'll Be True To You."


And then, I began to think about the Monkees last tour. I was invited by an old friend to go see it with him and his cousin. I thought about it for a while, saw the price, and passed because Michael Nesmith wasn't a part of the tour. I didn't regret it at first because I never really thought anyone would pass away any time soon. But as I sat at my cubicle, listening to a twenty-five song playlist on Spotify of Monkees songs sang by Davy, I started to regret. I didn't want to see a show that didn't have all four Monkees playing together... and while worrying about that, now I'll never see Davy Jones perform.

I was more worried about seeing them ALL together rather than ever getting to see them perform at all.

I was talking to several friends about this, and while I'm not particularly sad or emotionally hurt from his passing, I'm a little mad at myself that it took him dying to finally fully appreciate him. I guess it's human nature... after someone passes, you begin to see the good things that you miss in that person and reflect about that.

But I can't continue to regret that. I do still have my almost-complete collection of CDs, the movie Head, and hopefully in the future, the TV series. Davy Jones left a legacy of great Monkees songs, and those haven't passed on. Sure, he didn't write the lyrics, or compose the music, but he gave those songs the personality it needed.

There's several articles on the internet and print that are better tributes and memorials of Davy Jones (especially the March 29,2012 issue of Rolling Stone) and I can probably better word this article, but I'm speaking from the heart... and give me a break, it's been over two years (three, if you don't include the stuff I deleted off this post or the stuff still in draft form) since I last wrote a blog article.

Rest in peace, Davy. And thanks for your dance number in "Head." It cheers me up every now and again when I need it. "Daddy's Song" is pretty white, as Frank Zappa eloquently put it, but then again, so is Davy. And Toni Basil's pretty cute... so thank you for THAT as well.


(Note: I have like twenty favorite Davy Jones songs from the Monkees albums and reissues that I could have posted, but I didn't want this post to be even more YouTube heavy than it all ready is.)