Shit My (Filipino-American, San Francisco Born) Dad Says...

(The words I remember my dad telling me over the years... Father Chaos?... Daddy Chaos?... Papa Chaos... do not necessarily reflect the views of me, Chris Chaos... well, not all of it.)

On Safety:
"Always be aware. You never know when a car will hit you when riding your bike or when someone feels like stabbing you for your wallet."

(This is probably why I'm so paranoid.)

On the Niners Every Time They Win:
"We're going to the Super Bowl this year. GO NINERS!"

On The Saints:
"The Aint's."

On The Cowboys:
"Cowgirls."

On The Rams:
"The Lambs."

On The Raiders:
Something really bad about Oakland and how nothing good can come from Oakland... obviously he hasn't been to The Fox Theater.

On Basketball:
"Do you like basketball? It looks all sweaty and smelly."

On Religion:
"...opiate for the masses."
And this video that  he sent me...

(As for me, I know there are progressive Christians who believe in social justice, who understand that we shouldn't go word for word to what the Bible says and don't like those who pick and choose what they draw from the book to spout out hate speak, and who use Christianity as more of a philosophy not written in stone and as a means for peace and equality... you know, what Jesus wanted. Even though my dad is more atheist and I'm more agnostic, I try not to bash on Christians as a whole because all Christians are not Fred Phelps and Jerry Falwell and every other bigot who use the Bible to hate on homosexuals and womens' rights and anything else that question their authority.)

On Manny Pacquiao:
"I don't like him. He's not my cousin anymore. He got all religious after he got caught cheating. He should have owned up to it... admit to love being a womanizer."

After Watching the Trailer for "The Man with the Iron Fists":

"I don't know why white boys get all durrrrh over Chinese girls. It's Lucy Liu. She's nothing special... unattractive."
(I could probably say the same about Jamie Chung, but since I was there when several friends got all duuuuuuuuuuuurh for her whenever she walked by in high school, I can probably say she's several steps above Lucy Liu.)

More About White Boys and Their Thing For Asian Girls:
"I asked this white woman at work why she thinks white boys love Asian girls, and she told me it was because they've been rejected by white women."
(I tend to think it's because of the Geisha Girl/passive stereotype, but then again, this woman sounds really conceited.)

On Who's More Attractive Than Lucy Liu:
"Latina girls. They should be going all durrrrrh over them."

On My Aunt/His Sister:

(This one's my fault. I told him how much Kim Jong Il looked like Aunt Nene... and he just ran with it... for years afterwards.)

On Turning 60:
"I don't feel 60. ... I look younger than most people in their 40s... and in better shape than kids in their 20s."

I remember growing up after years of my dad giving me shit while living at home, I vowed never to be like my dad. After hitting 30, though, I realized how much I've picked up from him. His temper, his candidness on talking about things that piss him off in GREAT detail, his vulgar sense of humor, his love for San Francisco sports, his lack of patience in dealing with groups of people, his love for his family (even though most of it is tough love), his ninja-like reflexes, his dashing ability to look awesome in a beard, and his vision... no, literally... I'm blind as a bat because of him.

Awww fuck... Thor help us all.

Happy birthday, Dad.

Concert Season 2012: Episode 5: The Uptones (AKA: The Trip to Berkeley)

So after The Offspring show and getting two whole days of not going to a musical event, that Friday definitely made up for those non-musical days. No, I didn't go to a musical... though that doesn't sound too bad if it was The Book of Mormon or that Green Day one, American Idiot. Nah, on the first Friday of October, I spent an entire night across the Bay in Berkeley talking about and listening to music. Not surprising, eh?

Concert Season 2012: Episode 4: The Offspring

Still tired. Still running on fumes. My voice is not as bad as I thought it was but it's still pretty low. All in all, it was worth it.

Of course I was too tired to finish this post all in one day, but at least I finished it... eventually.

Before I get into the concert itself, there's always seems to be a story with me just getting there. So since this was in San Jose, I was going to meet up with my friend so that he could drive the two of us down there. I had to meet him after his Muay Thai (or was it Jujitsu that day?) lesson at El Niño Training Center, Strikeforce Lightweight Champion Gilbert Melendez's gym, in a part of the City I was unfamiliar with -- Third Street. And being a native San Franciscan, I've always heard stories about Third Street being pretty dangerous... granted that was from my father who thinks EVERY neighborhood can be dangerous and one step away from a traffic accident or a mugging... but I digress. My co-worker confided in me that it wasn't going to be bad since the eastern part of the City has gotten better since they put in the T line, which I had to ride to get there. And to be fair, it was actually safer than I thought. The area felt deserted so there was no one on the street except for me and another person...

Speaking of which, I have to backtrack just a bit to explain this "other person." So on the way there, a young Latino-looking guy in his twenties got on with this huge bag. My Batman Detective Skills kicked in and I began to subtly observe this guy. I noticed there were several bruises on him, including one below his eye. Possibly from a misplaced elbow that slipped his guard? The bag also looked like it had big equipment inside. Pads, possibly? This guy also looked very athletic... and possibly Brazilian. And just like all Chinese people know Kung Fu, all Brazilians (especially if they live in the States) know Brazilian Jujitsu. Sure enough, when we all got off the train, we were walking in the same direction and sure enough, he was going to the Training Center.

Am I a deductive genius, or was it just a "well, duh!" moment? Yeah, okay, fine... it could have been a coincidence or just the basic of common sense... but fucking A, man, on some days I think I could have been a decent detective... up there with Adrian Monk or those dudes from Psych. Or Jessica Fletcher... but then I'd be a mystery novelist and living in Maine and a walking form of death. Seriously, everywhere she went, someone died. For TWELVE SEASONS! But I digress.

So after meeting up with my friend, testing out my new phone's mapping and GPS abilities, and discussions about music and concerts and the usual shit we talk about, we were in San Jose. Now my friend has been to the Civic Auditorium on several occasions, mainly for conventions. This had been my first time there, but I had always seen it whenever I was in the area. The first thing I noticed upon entering is THIS sign:

HA! Really? Well, for starters, it's "Crowd surfing and moshing ARE not advised." Secondly, good luck trying to convince stupid white boys NOT to do stupid shit at a concert. That's like trying to tell male dogs not to lick their own balls or telling nature to stop it with the earthquakes and tornadoes all ready. Stupid white boys are going to do stupid white things... specifically the two things up above. They THRIVE on people not telling them what to do, because they have to rebel against the Man, or some shit.

So since specific seating was downgraded to everything being general admission, even though our regular seats were downstairs, we decided to go up just to get away from the inevitable crowd surfing, moshing, and the mixed scent of cheap weed, cheap beer, and bad body odor.

Unfortunately because of timing, we missed out on the opening bands: Dead Sara and Neon Trees. We heard the last song from Neon Trees from the lobby, which was "Everybody Talks." It's okay... I can see why it's on the radio. And I didn't even know who Dead Sara was until Tuesday. After checking up on their work yesterday, "Weatherman" was their big song. Personally, I like "Whispers and Ashes" a bit more, but "Weatherman" is all right. They have this Pearl Jam/Soundgarden/Foo Fighters/Flyleaf thing going on for them and I can dig that.

Now, I dig Offspring a lot. It reminds me a lot of my college days because I got into them during Americana which I'm sure a lot of hardcore Offspring fans wouldn't appreciate because that's when they "sold out" and got too "mainstream" or whatever.

That was a long sentence.

Anyways, believe it or not, I really got into them through my obsession with video games. Most Offspring fans would know what I'm talking about when I mention Crazy Taxi. I think that's why every time I see a cab, "All I Want" pops in my head.

And if it weren't for a fan video that compiled a whole bunch of Final Fantasy video clips, "Staring At the Sun" probably wouldn't be one of my favorite songs.

So I got to hear all the songs I wanted to hear, for the most part. They played all their hits, they played stuff off their new album, and they played my favorite song: "Gone Away." Now, I'm use to the album version...

I listen to this version on the computer and I sing this version in Rock Band... but the live version is slower, stripped down to a keyboard and on this leg of the tour, is turned into a duet with Dead Sara's lead singer Emily Armstrong. I know the first time I heard it this way years ago at the BFD show, I was a little sad not getting to hear it the original way, but the way it is now... I think it has more of an impact.

I think the funniest and most distracting thing for me at the concert was the mosh pit that, though not advisable, was still formed. I liked to call it "The Whirlpool of Despair and White Trash" since the mosh pit just formed and turned into a big circle. Stupid white kids, a white giant with the ugliest beard imagineable, and a dwarf Reggie Watts lookalike began running around in circles like a fucking Nascar event, running into each other and pushing each other, repressing whatever the fuck suburban white boys repress about.

I do find it funny how three things can defuse and tame the mosh pit: the acoustic guitar... slow music... and girls. To be honest, I thought I was gonna see a bunch of dumb white boys hitting the girls... and when I mean girls, I mean high school teenage girls skipping around, lightly pushing people out of the way... and one badass chick running into the circle, getting some pot shots on the bigger guys, and running out.

To give the little moshers credit, there IS a form of controlled chaos that goes on in that thing. I think one guy was filming the mosh pit from the inside, as if he was in the eye of the hurricane, filming what was going on. I think one big white boy, probably in high school, took offense to this... as if he was peeping on him in the shower or something... and the guy filming it, someone I will call the Anthropologist, since he was filming them as if it was a part of a nature show or a documentary or something -- defused the situation by trying to bro handshake with him. The big kid gave him the Robert DeNiro-in-Meet the Parents "I'm Watching You" hand gesture with two fingers.

So since crowd surfing wasn't advised, there was definitely some crowd surfing. At first, it looked like people were trying to start it but it would end right away. And then at around the second half, it picked up again. I don't know... if I was in the crowd, I wouldn't even try to support the person... unless it was a woman... and then maybe... just maybe.

One person actually managed to get on stage and he got all excited about beating the system. Security came in and grabbed him. The same guy made it on stage AGAIN and this time, security wasn't fooling around and put him in a rear naked choke. I was cheering on the guy, hoping he put him to sleep... but I'm sure he put it on lightly just to control him and finally take him away. If I saw the security guard put that guy to sleep, I would have lost my shit.

"Self Esteem" was their last song, and that's when we decided to head on out and beat the crowd. I love that song, but even I realized the sooner we're in the garage, the sooner we can get out of San Jose and back home. On the way, we were talking more about  music and the subject of best selling rock albums came up... and I was surprised to find out that Meat Loaf's "Bat Out Of Hell" is like in the top 10... I honestly didn't know.

So, even though I was still a little burnt out from the Garbage show, and had a better time there, I still had fun. I still love Offspring, even though I'm not familiar with their new album. The Offspring DID have a better light show than Garbage, who had a very minimalistic approach... though they DID have their background act as a projector that once in a while, aired some type of old stock footage from the past that would relate to the song they were singing. Ever since seeing them at the BFD show one or two years ago... I can't remember... my friend who I went with and I really wanted to see them at their own show, going longer in a venue that WASN'T the Shoreline... and I'm happy I got my wish.

Four down, two more to go. One small show that's probably going to require a lot of energy but a lot of fun in the process... and to top it all off... one of my favorite bands of all time, sans their most popular member. Hopefully I can add some more in between now and November 11th... and if I do, you KNOW I'll have something to say about it.

Concert Season 2012: Episode 3: Garbage

Garbage. One of the best bands ever playing the best concert I've been to at the Warfield.

Nothing else to say. Blog post over.

Okay, not really. This is me we're talking about. You know I can come up with WAY more to say.

So the first time I saw Garbage was a couple of months ago at the BFD Festival along with Cake, Silversun Pickups, and Jane's Addiction, who I totally didn't miss and just walk out after SPSU... okay, I totally did... but to be fair, I only knew two songs and I only came to see Garbage, Cake, and Silversun so I was good. Unfortunately it was at *ugh* the Shoreline, which I have to put up with since that place sucks if you're not in the first fifteen rows and always attracts the 'bro' crowd. And since it was a festival, they had a limited amount of time so I only got a 30-40 minute taste... and I wanted more. A couple of weeks later, they announced a San Francisco show, my friend and I got awesome tickets, and that was that.

Cut to yesterday, and while going to the show, I bumped into Ed, my friend/former roommate, who was also going to the show, meeting up with a friend there. I showed off my new phone... which I totally used to take pictures... because I can do that now... sure I could do that with my old phone but those pictures were just godawful.

Where was I?

So we head over to the Warfield. Now, I have a love/hate relationship with the Warfield. I've seen some really cool shows here and two awesome Jim Gaffigan stand-up shows. And Jaguar Love... what would I do without my measuring stick for mediocre trainwrecks.



I'll let Rick James speak on this.



Seriously. Maybe if they would take the money they use on drugs and spend it on singing lessons and learn NOT to make wild woodpecker mating calls then they might actually be decent. Is that what most tweaked-out-of-their-mind white boys sound like? Maybe it's an epidemic. Whatever... got sidetracked again... sorry.

So The Warfield, for me, has some good memories. Too bad it's in the shitty part of San Francisco. That, and ever since the Fox opened up, The Warfield just is an old, outdated version of that. Sure, their live sound is better than the Fox, but the Warfield's seats are just tiny and uncomfortable... unlike the Fox, which have nice, comfortable, cushioned, wider leather seats. The Warfield's lobby is super tiny to the point where it takes a minute or two to get from the entrance to the doors to the floor and stairs to the balcony, since the ground floor bar and merch table make huge crowds of standing people being in the way. I would have got merch, but there's only room for one merch table in that place and that line is ALWAYS super long... especially last night. And seriously, when I feel safer in that part of Oakland compared to that part of Market Street that always has that aura of alcohol-infused urine and body odor with several doses of paranoia and muggers, that's just fucking uncalled for.

But with that said, this was probably one of the better experiences I've been to. The crowd was energetic but there were WAY less douchebags compared to the other shows. There was a lot of movement on the floor from what I could see, but it was all upwards. People were dancing and jumping up, but it didn't feel like people were pushing or disrespecting people's personal space. If there was a show I wish I could have been on the floor for, it was this show. The view of the stage from my place, though, was really cool. I had really good seats and there was hardly anyone in my way, save for the encore where people in front of me decided to stand.

I only got to hear two and a half songs from the opening band, The Screaming Females.... which is only one-third correct. They had the Nirvana/Green Day trio setup, with a vocalist/guitarist, a bassist, and a drummer. The singer was this tiny, awesome woman who was just rocking the fuck out. I dug what I heard. I really can't match what I heard to any of the songs I've seen on YouTube, though... probably out of a case of being unfamiliar... that and their songs were very similar in sound.



So all the YouTube stuff that I've heard so far have that very indie-rock garage sound, which I dig, but when I saw them live, they sounded way more raw and hard... so I don't know if it was a case of the Warfield's acoustics changing their sound or if they just used a different setup or I don't know what. Either case, I think they're cool and I'm gonna listen to their stuff a little more.

Plus, she KINDA looks like Ash.



So... yeah... Garbage. I have a confession to make and you probably all ready know this... but I really love Garbage. They're one of the few rock bands I got into before I hit college, where my taste in music evolved and got into so much stuff. I remember watching them on MTV and seeing this smoking-hot redhead with cherry-red lips and the voice of a goddess, shooting down her bandmates in a futuristic WWII plane, looking like it came out of a scene from Tank Girl. I don't know if "Special" was the first video I saw from them, but it's definitely the one that sticks in my mind.



Along with Gwen Stefani, Shannon Elizabeth, Angelina Jolie from Hackers, TLC and Toni Braxton, and other high school crushes, Shirley Manson was one of the stronger celebrity crushes during my teenage years. And over the years, it just got stronger, especially with the release of their fourth album Bleed Like Me. As my love for music grew stronger, the more I fully appreciated the band, not just for Shirley Manson's voice, but for the musicianship and craft it took to make their albums memorable to me.

Cut to last night... ohmigod I was 10-15 yards away from her... ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod!

I don't know what happened there... lost my composure for a second, I'm sorry.

There's really no need to review or give my take on this show since I've all ready been clear what that answer is. This was a fucking phenomenal show. And since I'm on like basically five hours of sleep and running on fumes, hoping that's enough to have a great time at the Offspring show I'll be going to tonight, maybe I should just mention some of the highlights that I can remember and put into words:

• Shirley Manson can still fucking sing. That aura that she had back in the day still affects me to the point where I'm just fucking speechless sometimes.
• #1 Crush is awesome live, and this video does NOT give it enough credit. The guitar riffs are even sexier live.

• So before the show, I made a list of what I wanted to hear in the preview blogpost. Out of those songs, I don't remember hearing: The World Is Not Enough, When I Grow Up, Automatic Systematic Habit, Sex Is Not The Enemy, Run Baby Run, Big Bright World, Not Your Kind of People, Man On A Wire. But I don't fucking care... I'm still satisfied. They did play Vow... and my friend went crazy for that. Not Ed... but my other friend.
• I also heard "Supervixen" and "Queer"... and yes, I'm sure Shirley Manson can take me out with the flick with her wrist.
• During the encore, they played "Bad Boyfriend," and this fabulous man stood up and began dancing like Madonna, singing along as if he was the frontwoman on stage. I looked at him and said internally, "You go, dude. Rock on."
• They played "Stupid Girl" and with what happened during the summer, I appreciated it a little bit more than usual.

• You know when people hold on to the 80s and say that anything from the 90s, especially the music, sucked, they're immediately proven wrong just by Garbage's existence.
• You wanna know why there's a fucking heat wave in San Francisco? Garbage. They're that fucking hot... which unfortunately makes the crappy garbage on the streets... er, debris... and people smell. Normally, I would be sweating at a rock concert but this definitely amplified the experience of a whitehot show.

So, three down and three more to go. I don't know if Offspring can top Garbage but hey, I'll give them a shot. All I need to hear is "Gone Away" and "The Kids Are All Right" and "Staring at the Sun" and I'm good. I'll be back with tonight's adventure to San Jose.

Concert Season 2012: Preview of Episode 3: My Dream Setlist

Tonight...

I'll be going downtown in a little over an hour and I just can't wait to get my Shirley Manson fix. Here's what I'm HOPING to hear tonight:

• Special
• Only Happy When It Rains
• #1 Crush
• The World Is Not Enough
• Blood for Poppies (duh!)
• Automatic Systematic Habit
• Why Do You Love Me? (most definitely)
• I Think I'm Paranoid
• Stupid Girl
• When I Grow Up
• Push It
• (basically ANYTHING from Version 2.0)
• Shut Your Mouth
• Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go!)
• Sex Is Not the Enemy
• Run Baby Run
• Big Bright World
• Not Your Kind of People
• Man On A Wire

I almost listed every song I like that I can think off the top of my head. That's like 18 songs. I guess if they're the headliner, they'll be able to play more songs than last time I saw them, so I'm hoping to get a real good mix of old and new songs. And a lot of love from Garbage... especially Shirley.