(By the way... Happy New Year!)
This commercial is always on when old people are watching TV... AKA, during CNN's The Situation Room. I use to always see it on my lunch break whenever I would watch the news while eating a turkey and cheese sandwich I brought from home. From the AARP insurance commercials to the Active-On pain remover or the occassional Life Alert commercial or Metamucil or what-the-fuck-ever they sell to old people, this commercial is the most memorable.
Seriously, I don't think not being able to hear well is his problem. I think it's his stupid bitch of a wife. I can understand being in bed and not wanting to hear the TV when you're trying to sleep, but this bitch is reading. She can read in the fucking livingroom if she has a problem with the TV being on. And when you're on the fucking phone gossiping about old man McCleary farting in church, you don't need complete silence from your husband. And the way she demands silence, like "Does that HAVE to be so loud?"
You know how I would answer that?
"Yes, bitch. It does. You're on the fucking phone and your voice is like sandpaper being rubbed against my balls while listening to cats having sex and Freddy Krueger scratching a chalkboard with his iron claw. Plus, I can't fucking hear the music while you're blabbering. So yeah, it does have to be loud. Why don't you go into the bedroom or bathroom or somewhere where you can't bother me, and talk about your petty shit somewhere else. Now leave me be so I can listen to my Zeppelin, whore."
Okay, maybe not that extreme, but you get the picture.
He doesn't need a Listen Up hearing device to solve all his problems... he needs a divorce... or a hitman. Either or. With this bitch out of his life, he can listen to all the Leno and Wham that he wants. Plus, he doesn't have to get dragged to church every Sunday, either. And unless she's giving it up, which isn't saying much because by the looks of things, she looks like a total prune in the bed, I don't see how keeping her around improves his quality of life, unless he's a total pushover and just gave up thirty years ago in getting his way.
Now, like most of the posts before this, these commercials aren't meant to be meticulously torn apart and is totally fictional. It's not like it's a half-hour series on CBS, though I wouldn't be surprised if it was because other than "How I Met Your Mother" and "Big Bang Theory," it looks like they got a mess load of crap for sitcoms. But hey, aren't my words funny?!
Seriously, though, I know when we grow older, we lose our senses... especially to see and to hear. But really, do old people need to hear every fucking thing? Why is it that when old people lose their hearing, they buy gadgets to make them want to hear, but then want to hear everything? Shouldn't they be happy with a hearing aid and having the hearing ability of a normal human instead of having superhuman hearing?
I thought they were a fan of Matlock or Quincy, ME, not Superman or James Bond.
If it's not Loud 'N Clear (what is up with old people and church? Do you really need to hear that well when the acoustics in the building are meant for one person to be able to be heard throughout the building? And Bingo? That's just too stereotypical.), or Miracle Ear (which I have to admit, the commercial is pretty funny... and no one's super spy snooping), it's some other super-hearing device. I mean, when I get old, will I have the urge to snoop on my neighbors because I have nothing else better to do? And will I pick up this hobby because I'll end up with a wife similar to the Listen Up couple?
Eh, probably not.
No comments:
Post a Comment