Back in the days of 2012 (and quite possibly many years before that,) I had the idea for a post entitled: "Top Five Reasons Why I Have No Faith in Humanity." Since I've been known -- sometimes very proud of it but not lately -- for being very misanthropic. I have had an acute dislikeness -- quite possibly seathing hatred -- for people in general... not friends, mind you, but people living in the world, somehow affecting my day-to-day life, whether it's people on the road, people sharing the same public venues that I use, or assholes who have way too much power and fuck up the way I see life (i.e. rich people, Republicans, you know, the usual.)
Over time, I have tried to extinguish that burning desire to go Super Saiyan on half the country and become a little more at peace with my daily surroundings. Well when there's fucking stupid people who don't know how to flush or wash their hands or lift up a goddamn toilet seat or RESTRAIN THEMSELVES from using their FUCKING PENIS to SPRAY THE GODDAMN STALL... sorry, sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself.
When there are blatant things that I just can't ignore and let go, I must rant. It's in my genetic code to rant against fucking idiots. So instead of doing the whole top five reasons gimmick, I'm just going to turn the whole damn thing into a series, because why regulate it to JUST five reasons? Seriously, there is just way too much material to ignore if I just did five topics... so here we go.
Now, just today, maybe about thirty minutes ago as I write this (not twenty minutes ago from the time this will eventually be posted,) I went to the bathroom at work. Now as a human being who tries not to leave a fucking mess everywhere I go, I expect the bathroom to at least not be a fucking pigsty. Sure, it may smell, but whatever, the bathroom is used for bowel movements so you can't fucking avoid that. However, when I leave the bathroom, I flush the toilet, wipe the seat if I've sat on it, even with one of those paper seat protectors, I wash my hands, I SHAKE the excess water in the sink because no one wants a fucking wet floor, and I dry my hands. I DON'T FUCKING SPILL COFFEE ALL OVER THE GODDAMN STALL FLOOR AND NOT ATTEMPT TO CLEAN UP!
Now to be fair, at my workplace's restrooms, there are no fucking paper towels... just stupid new-but-somehow-outdated hand dryers, so there's no way at that exact moment a person who made a mistake can correct their wrong.
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| If it's not a Dyson Airblade, it's fucking obsolete. Image from prodryers.com, found on Google Image Search. |
BUT WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU BRING IN A FULL CUP OF COFFEE (or it could have been one of those Quickly's hot milk tea that my co-worker loves, since there's a fucking Quickly's on campus) INTO THE GODDAMN STALL?
Now, I don't know if there are people out there who don't know me and just love to read about my concert outings and posts about my love for The Monkees, but most people who know me know that I work at a library on a college campus. Now, it isn't Oxford or MIT, so I don't expect everyone who goes here to be a genius... but even then, geniuses are fucking stupid when it comes to normal, everyday things... or as my dad calls it, they're book smart, but street stupid.
Nevertheless, I expect people who are at a college level to actually apply critical thinking, or apply thinking. So if you make a boo-boo in the bathroom, and there's no paper towels, inform someone at a help desk that a custodian has to clean up your fucking mess and apologize profusely... not just leave it for the next person to find so that person can rant on the Internet about how people are fucking stupid.
Now this isn't the first time I have found a public restroom stall fucked up. For some fucking reason, there is an asshole out there who likes to shove tons of toilet paper into the toilet, hopefully causing a potential flooding of the stall. Who THE FUCK finds this funny? Now, there are only two types of people who I can imagine doing this: 1. a bored ass white kid from the suburbs who needs to pull pranks like this to get any excitement or joy from their boring existence, or 2. a mentally unstable homeless guy who goes to public places like libraries and just mess shit up for the fuck of it.
Now, if that person who shoves tons of toilet paper into a toilet just to flood is idiot #1, that person needs to be expelled. Seriously, you're in an academic setting where you're suppose to transition from pimple-faced teenager to functional young adult. Functional young adults DON'T FUCK UP A BATHROOM BECAUSE THEY'RE BORED! And if they do, they need to be cattle-prodded... in the face... because when you act like an untamed animal when in fact you're a human being that's suppose to know better, you need to be tamed with pain... 50,000 watts of pure electricity straight into your eyesockets.
Yeah, that sounds like overkill, but that's what makes it sound funny.
Now believe it or not #2 happens all the fucking time. Not just here, but at libraries all over, especially in big metropolitan cities with a homeless problem. Now, I'll have pity for a homeless person who is down on their luck, but if they have a long track of creating a public nuisance on campus, BAN THAT MOTHER FUCKER! Now I know the campus has tried, but unfortunately, there are certain rules and regulations that prohibit us from banning anyone like that for a long period of time... which is a shame, because there are several people I'd like to see banned from this place for being a fucking asshole.
These are extreme examples, however. There are other things that really irk me when I'm in a bathroom, like hearing someone walk out of a stall and not wash their hands. Bitch, you just came from a stall. You either touched your dirty dick or you wiped your ass or both, and your hands are fucking dirty. WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS! Or I hear people walk away from the stall, not even bothering to flush the toilet. Now maybe that person is in Environmental Sciences and wants to "conserve" water... I don't fucking know... or they're just too lazy to lift their hand a couple of feet and push down on a lever... but seriously, no one wants to piss in your fucking piss, asshole... especially me. I don't want your pungent piss splashing against me as I urinate. I can't mind if it's my own piss because that's my own damn fault if I aim it in a way where it splashes against me... but seriously, not cool if you don't flush. You can not flush in your OWN bathroom and conserve water then... because that's your own bathroom and the toilet's low enough so that splashing isn't usually a problem... but in a urinal where it's higher up and there's a higher splash rating, NOT FUCKING COOL!
And don't get me started on the grunters, or the phone talkers, or the group who needs to converse while in stalls, or the assholes who dump their Cup O' Noodles in the sink where chunks of processed vegetables and noodles clog the sink because that's not where you're suppose to FUCKING DUMP CUP O' NOODLES. There are the people who wash their hands and just shake it on the fucking floor instead of shake it into the sink... there are the people who fucking wash up... not just brush their teeth but use the fucking sink as a way to sponge off. There are the people who leave their garbage in the stall instead of dump it in a fucking garbage can. There are people who use up the one mirror in the bathroom, looking at themselves for way too fucking long.
There are the MANY people who need to piss in a stall and never fucking lift the seat up so they piss all over the goddamn seat and NEVER FUCKING CLEAN UP! Seriously, piss in a urinal. There are barriers for people not to peek over and realize you've got a small one... oh yeah, and there are the peekers, but I've never bumped into them.
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| Image from quickmeme.com found on Google Image Search |
Oh yeah, and then there are the fucking assholes at concerts who get drunk and cut the line because they gotta let it loose. Seriously, I hope you die of alcohol poisoning or die of passing out and hitting your head on porcelain, breaking your neck in the process.
Oh, and then there are the chicks who get in line of the men's bathrooms at concerts. Seriously, it's not our fucking fault the line is long and you all got a small fucking bladder. It might be the venue's vault for not realizing they need an extra women's bathroom for big events, but don't fucking get in our line, especially when you bitch about men going into your bathroom... so fuck you and I hope you piss yourself waiting in line for another beer.
Now I don't know if women have similar problems with stupid women who don't know how to use a restroom, but if there are, discuss. And hopefully, I'll be back to normal, blogging about music and video games and pop culture and all the fun stuff, but there may be more rants in the future... especially if there is a trigger that sets me off like it did today.
Oh, and by the way... yes, I do know Cracked.com did a way better job at this than I did, so here you go... this came out first and it's probably WAAAAAY funnier.
